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Just for Laughs
Have you ever been guilty of
looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look
that old." Well, you'll love this one:
My name is Alice Smith and I
was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new
dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name.
Suddenly, I remember a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same
name in my high school class some 50 odd years ago. Could this
be the same guy that I had a secret crush on way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I
quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired
man with the deeply line face was way too old to have been my
classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had
attended North Quincy High School. "Yes, yes I did. I'm
a Raider," he gleamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I
asked. "In 1958, why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!" I
exclaimed.
He looked at me closely, then
that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled fat ass, gray-haired, decrepit,
son-of-a-bitch asked, "What did you teach?"
My wife and
I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken woman swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.
My wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," I sighed. "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she started
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear
she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says my wife. "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"
So you see, there really are two ways to look at everything....
DIFFERENCE IN CHILD DISCIPLINE IN 1958 v.
2008
Scenario:
Johnny and Mark get into a
fist fight after school.
1958 - Crowd gathers. Mark
wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody
goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.
2008 - Police called, SWAT team
arrives, arrest Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both
expelled from school even
though Johnny started it.
Scenario:
Jeffrey won't stay still in
class, disrupts other students.
1958 - Jeffrey sent to office
and given a smack on the butt by Principal. After a very short time,
sits
still in class.
2008 - Jeffrey given huge doses
of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money because
Jeffrey has a disability.
Scenario:
Billy breaks a window in his
father's car and his Dad gives him a whipping.
1958 - Billy is more careful
next time, grows up normal, goes to USC, and becomes a successful
and
responsible citizen.
2008 - Billy's Dad is arrested
for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang.
Billy's sister is told by
psychologist 'Of course, you remember being abused' and their Dad
goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.
Scenario : Mary is pregnant.
1958 - five high school boys
leave town. Mary does her final year at a special school for
expectant
mothers.
2008 - School counsellor
contacts Planned Parenthood. Mary gets an abortion. Mary given
protection and
told to be more careful next
time, and also kids don't need fathers, anyway.
Scenario :
Johnny takes apart leftover
firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a bottle, blows up a red
ant hill.
1958 - Ants die.
2008 - Fire Dept and police
called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, government
investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers
confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch-list.
Scenario:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee.
He is found crying by his teacher Mary who hugs him to comfort him.
1958 - In a short time Johnny
feels better and goes on playing.
2008 - Mary is accused of being
a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in
prison.
The
Evolution of Teaching Math Since the 1950’s:
Teaching Math In 1950’s:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of
production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?
Teaching Math In 1960’s:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100 His cost of
production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his
profit?
Teaching Math In 1970’s:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of
production is $80. Did he make a profit?
Teaching Math In 1980’s:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of
production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment:
Underline the number 20.
Teaching Math In 1990’s:
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is
selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the
habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands.
He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you
think of this way of making a living? Topic for class
participation after answering the question: How did the
birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their
homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like
crying, it’s ok. )
Teaching Math In 2008:
Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El
costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
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